‘Apple Day’ at Hill Close Gardens, Warwick, has come a long way.
When the gardens started out, ‘Apple Day’ was a lady with a camping stove making apple pancakes in a Portacabin. ‘Apple Day 2009’ featured a craft show, folk singers and an exhibition pavilion.
Hill Close is worth a visit any old day, apples or not. Each pretty pocket-handkerchief of a garden originally belonged to one of the Warwick Townsfolk. Without a garden of their own, they used these adjacent plots not as allotments, or not only that, but as private pleasure grounds. Many, and this is their greatest charm, feature dear little brick or stone summer houses, complete with fireplaces for the colder months.
All this has been lovingly restored by a dedicated….
It’s no bloody use. I can’t do short and punchy, not for this sort of thing. I can do it for headers and teasers, or for mailshots:
Hill Close Gardens.
They’re on a hill.
They’re gardens.
And they’re close.
So what are you waiting for?
Didn’t YOU know about Hill Close Gardens?
Be there for Apple Day. Before someone else gets there first.
But not for colour-pieces. I keep sliding into sub-clauses and getting clogged up in adjectives. Hill Close Gardens is a gorgeous tangled warren of odd little gardens with quirky features. My writing is a rather less gorgeous warren of tangled sentences with quirky vocabulary.
Same problem, obviously, with the Ginny Davis piece. I think I could do short an
d punchy for something I dispised:Hill Close Gardens is a cliche. Too cutesy. Too contrived. And ‘Apple Day’ was painfully National-Trustified – middle-class, tweedy and twee. Even the piglets were scrubbed up and dandified. Half the craft stalls sold candles shaped like fruit. The other half were gift card franchises. Traditional Victorian refreshments were a baguette full of rocket or a burger in a bun.
But none of the above is really true, and I’d burst with spleen anyway before I hit 300 words.
Keep thinking about Sally finding she wasn’t a natural at creative writing. Maybe I can’t do factual stuff. Unless its so terminally boring, like Local Area Networks and Anvil Suspension Systems, that I can’t do too much harm.
I do so want this class to work for me. I do hope I’m not just too old a dog to learn anything new.
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Love it! I had the same problems writing about Hill Close Gardens for last year's Apple Day.
ReplyDeleteI was disappointed this year. As you say, too many irrelevant stalls, uninspiring refreshments and there didn't seem as much information about the history and restoration as last year.
Humour and irony is your thing I reckon. Off now to write my punchy piece (or flowery verbiage) on Batsford arboretum ...
At least you've made a start. Right - time to get blogging and make up for some lost time.
ReplyDeleteAlison - I think you have failed to see that you have written here two very good pieces. I love the "Hill Close Gardens is a cliche. Too cutesy. Too contrived. And ‘Apple Day’ was painfully National-Trustified – middle-class, tweedy and twee." Short sentences. You can feel the passion. The comment is wonderful. You say so much in just that one par. The comment about the piglets, the candles..the baguette. Brilliant...
ReplyDeleteThe first take.. is a nice take on Apple Day. But you're not trying to sell it. You are trying to be factual. So cut out the first sentence of the third par...'Hill Close is worth a visit...' and suddenly that paragraph becomes tighter and the whole piece more cohesive. Take out 'dear' (as in summer houses) and again it reads more objectively.
It's a really good piece of writing. I love the start. I love the imagery you conjure with the camping stove and pancakes...
You need to remember the 'when'...etc etc. and maybe why you decided to stop writing was because you felt yourself drifting off into more description feeling it wasn't getting anywhere. But I think you had already got there. If you were writing about the event you need to know how many people etc..get a sense of the atmosphere of the day..was it a success...have you got a quote from someone who either rubbishes it or gives you some little gem to quote??? And also you need to give the reader an idea of what is Apple Day (what's the point?). Keep thinking 'what am I trying to tell my reader?'. How would you tell your friend/a relative...describe it to someone in the class...knowing that when you had finished telling them, they would have a complete potted picture of the event.
Hopes this helps.
Keep writing......but also keep that wonderfully strong (Even the piglets were scrubbed up ) voice as in the second take of Apple Day.
Well done. Sally
Thanks Kathryn. I think you're probably right about humour, though I'm not sure how effective this is in a general feature or review. I know I have a real life tendency to make a quip or one-liner whenever the conversation seems to invite it, regardless of the feelings of my unfortunate victim. Not an attractive quality at the best of times, and could get me in serious trouble on the page.
ReplyDeleteHow interesting that you were writing about Apple Day last year! Tell me more...
Hi Sally
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comments - also read your comment on the Ginny Davis feature. You are quite right about the Mrs Dalloway reference, and that I missed the 'when', which was a bit basic! I actually entered the blog to revise the Ginny Davis piece - I'm finding the immediacy of publication is making me very unprofessional and not subbing my own work properly. Must learn to give it 24 hours before publication rather than editing later - failing to do so is disrespectful of the reader (i.e. you).
Very unsure about the two writing styles - my natural 'voice' (AA Gill, Wodehouse, Provincial Lady etc) and my business one (brief, bullet points, management bullshit etc) and whether I can find a compromise.
Sorry I'm writing so much - me and RichYork must be wearing you out! Don't worry, the novelty will soon wear off and by the end of term our homework will be limping in at the last possible moment....
Twitter's fun, isn't it? Stephen Fry's following me, but I can see he does that to all the girls, and boys....